HOH Magazine: July 2017 Issue

July. I'll begin by exclaiming that I've been in (and on) the water more times this summer than any summer for many a recent year. Partly for filming Detective P.I., partly for vacation, or at least vacation-adjacent, purposes. I've grown accustomed to swimming in lakes in the last seven years, even though I still dislike lakes for various reasons. Hey, let's make that the first topic: David critiques Minnesota's most popular natural resource! (Yeah that's right, get bent, iron!)

HOH Magazine: June 2017 Issue

June. Summer. Officially. Let's get it started in hot, let's get it started in here.

HOH Magazine: May 2017 Issue

Well, it's June July but this is the May issue. This is how we work, until I figure out how to "indulge less." I strive to deliver good content, and I don't joke around: this is a hefty magazine. I've got a lot on my mind. Snuffles want to be understood; Snuffles need to be understood. But I never promised anything about being on time. This is something I make in the gaps of time I can fill, and I don't have many, as things keep cropping up every day. Like plowing through a field and you keep finding gold you gotta deal with. Anyway, we'll only cover May affairs. But maybe we'll group all of summer for expedience's sake? Or I'll just write less/phone it in. Who knows!!

HOH Magazine: April 2017 Issue

It's been a month, what's new? This is generally the 'know' which inquiring minds want to. But what if, even after basically 30 days of continued [thank God] living, I haven't solidly accomplished anything I wrote about wanting to accomplish last month? Well, read inside; this month's issue has a few new features, as well as a few more words going on about Reverse-Valentine's Day, even though I feel I competently covered the subject last month.

HOH Magazine: March 2017 Issue (#1!)

I have been on a break, from many a project. Things I'll "do shortly" became "get around to eventually" because I'm prioritizing being with friends these days. Creatively I'm letting myself down, but it's all the same to procrastination. Procrastination is simply (or, put simplistically) the attention paid to distractions and diversions. This is even one of those. A distracting new project that isn't much worth prioritizing, yet feels like a thing I can bang out in a day, tapping away though, as I do now, when I have a moment of inspiration, a knowledge of what exactly to put down.
(And yet this paragraph is like a week and a half old now...More inside!)

I Want To Use This Blog Again

I constructed this blog back in college – now too 5-years-ago to be comforting – because I wanted to.

My plan was to write amusing anecdotes: some true, some fiction. I ended up writing two truths and a draft, the latter of which was just published recently. Two-thirds of them are about taking the bus to school.

The other day, I had an idea. Its catalyst was that I wanted to let people know I was big on Craisins, and I thought "that's what Oprah does." I also probably had the simultaneous thought, (on a subconscious level perhaps) "that's what a blog is for." Anyway, I said the words "Hoh Magazine" out loud, and here we are: I'm remodeling my blog to be a monthly activity, where I do a post that riffs on the model I assume Oprah exhibits in her own monthly publication. I say 'assume' because I don't read it, but I gotta be correct in that if/when you have a magazine that's your own personal magazine, you'll write at least one thing in it about what's up in your life, and – since Oprah's known for having favorite things lists – what you're into at the moment.

I'm not saying I'm doing this to become the next Oprah. I'm certainly open to the idea, but that's not my plan. My plan is to use this blog again, scheduled regularly enough that I'll feel motivated to do it, but not so frequently that I should constantly miss update due-dates. Monthly is amicable.

Soo, the blog is bouncing back! I've upended the URL "nicknamedthepants" – it was always a little clunky – and since I was gonna change the title to "HOH MAGAZINE," I wanted to keep the "Rushed Into Being" phrase, as I had forgotten about it, and was delightfully surprised to see it when I returned to this edge of online. It's a little on the poetic, possibly-pretentious side, but I really find it charming and it flows off the tongue, and keyboard: better for a URL. I've alerted The New Yorker and other publications to update the URL hotlinks in articles where they reference my previous postings.

...What? Maybe they have.

– David

P.S. I'll probably mess around with the layout/colors to my liking, as well. But I've got a March entry to write, firstly.

(Header image from here)

What's The Deal??

(Originally drafted 11-1-2012...give or take)

So when my sister and I got to Spirit Halloween, the door was locked. "This surely is an error," thought I and the other people there, as a person trying to leave was locked in.

So the employee unlocks it, but tells us they're closed.

Except, I wanted to give you my money. This was not the Season Ending Scare I was expecting.

I was upset, but balanced it with a maintaining of dignity: I started walking back to the car, but floppily.

So floppily I let myself fall onto my knees in front of the store.

Now, I don't usually cause scenes, but I also don't like to embarrass myself, which I think I thought I'd do if I had simply gotten up from that childish display.

Not wanting to think I'd embarrassed myself, I went full-throttle with the bit:

Raising my arms and tilting my head to the heavens, I softly-but-projectfully yelled "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Got a woman also leaving to laugh, and thank me, so mission accomplished; no embarrassment. Success. In fact, more success in pleasing this stranger than a seasonal chain store did, that day.

Because of course I "cause scenes." I'm a filmmaker.

Boo-yah.

t