Sunday, July 9, 2017

HOH Magazine: May 2017 Issue


Well, it's June July but this is the May issue. This is how we work, until I figure out how to "indulge less." I strive to deliver good content, and I don't joke around: this is a hefty magazine. I've got a lot on my mind. Snuffles want to be understood; Snuffles need to be understood. But I never promised anything about being on time. This is something I make in the gaps of time I can fill, and I don't have many, as things keep cropping up every day. Like plowing through a field and you keep finding gold you gotta deal with. Anyway, we'll only cover May affairs. But maybe we'll group all of summer for expedience's sake? Or I'll just write less/phone it in. Who knows!!
The author taking a picture of himself reflected off a mirror, he looks into the lens as he lays on his belly, supporting himself up on his elbows, while his legs kick up at the knee like a delighted, carefree kid. He is what some would deign to call "cute."
It me.
Right off the bat let's jump in the deep end of some of my emotional/psychological problems. And guess what it's related to? Procrastination! Hooray.
The author lying on a hotel bed with a very tired expression, his head turned to the right to face the lens.
It me.
So: I wake up on May 29th to my alarm, meaning I can collect the Stardust and Coins from my Gym-bound Pokémon in Pokémon GO. My mom is talking to me about (something) and I'm half-conscious anyway. When I grab the phone, and as the app loads, I swipe a thumb up, bringing up the Control Center. However, I haven't entered the Control Center since my phone broke and was restored as good [and empty] as new. So it's still at the intro screen. The "This is Control Center, yaddayaddayadda, Continue." Because I am half-awake and my attention is already in two different places or more, I don't carefully swipe that screen back down, with the mind of "I'm somehow too busy to even take a few seconds to read this and allow myself usage of the flashlight or quick access to the calculator. I'll put it back down until I have a free minute." This is dumb thinking and I knew this, and I especially know it now. But, doesn't it feel like "I don't have time to read this!" when you're presented a tutorial for just about anything, of any length, if you haven't sat down with express purpose to crack open an educational instruction? We all ignore manuals for fans or bluetooth speakers, right? We live in a fast-paced world. Come on, man! It's the 90s!

Yeah well that laz-y-fare [sic] attitude set me up for a bad time when instead of swiping down, I clumsily swiped left, and went to the secondary part of Control Center, where music/volume controls & co. are. "Oh shit. Ah well, I'll just swipe back and then down and continue setting myself up for a bad time, even while subconsciously aware that's what I'm doing!"

I thought that, but it didn't manifest. The bad time was, in fact, now. The tutorial screen was gone, and the controls were centered and I instantly went full-awake. And full-freaked.

I'll spare you the unbecoming (unbecame?) details, but I calmed down a little once I found a screenshot of the intro card from a month or so back, when I must have thought of this situation from an insurance perspective. But I was still mad, because what if "Continue" had given more textual information? Probably didn't, it probably just set it ready to go. But I'll never know. And that is why I screencap everything: because no one else does/submits it to Google. So I'll post the screenshot below, and tag it so people like me can find it.
A screenshot of the iPhone 10.2.1 Control Center Tutorial Intro Screen. It shows three approximated graphic depictions of the cards and reads "iPhone controls, Now Playing, and Home each have their own cards. Swipe to see each one. Continue"
I would not have known they called them "cards" without this.
I would not have known they called them "cards" without this. And I'm not trying to say this is incredibly important; it isn't. But I have a weird issue with the fact that, barring finding a brand new phone, I won't get to peruse this information ever (again.) That irks me in a particular way.

"I would not have known they called them 'cards' without this."

Anyway, at some point on the come-down from this neurotic overload, I had a breakthrough about a related phenomenon, and I was able to pinpoint a traumatic experience of sorts which explains this behavior, as well as a behavior I've been struggling to understand for a while: that I cannot play Pokémon games [without focusing on it completely AND/OR without documenting it with pictures or video] and to a lesser extent, other video games with certain open-worldness and plot progression.

A photo of the lower screen of a Nintendo 3DS, showing the Rotom PokéDex from Sun and Moon, saying the dialogue: "Zzt! Hurry it up and save Nebby already! We little Pokémon need all the help we can get!" which ironically underscores my inability to make timely progress through these games.
"Hurry it up"
So, valuable tangent: Pokémon Sun & Moon changed the way daylight works; in Moon, when it's night time IRL, it's daytime in the game. Sun operates the typical daytime:daytime ratio. In past Pokémon games, the sun sets into night at 8:00pm local time, and the night horse drags the moon into tomorrow's bitter morn at 8:00am. But in Sun & Moon, it's 6:00, which is bananas to me. Past games have employed a "dawn/dusk" lighting for the hour leading up to day/night, whereas Sun & Moon have a gorgeous gradient, a veritable buffet of color sliding from late-afternoon to twilight. It's great. But 6:00??? I get home from work at 5:00 if I leave "early." And here's where this is a problem: (and why most people I know bought Moon...) I don't like to play through most of the game's story at night.
A picture of Pokémon Y, outside the closed, gilded gates of Parfum Palace, where upon finding out about a fee, Shauna – the protagonist's friend, exclaims "Yeesh! This is how the rich get richer!" to the player character (female) and the butler outside the gate.

This makes sense, though, right? Most things happen during the day. Some of the journey can take place at night, like the above photo from Pokémon Y, which is at the start of a sequence that ends in fireworks. And yes, the fireworks will go off in daylight, too. I just want things to make sense, does that make sense? I'll play the games at night for story sequences like that, but mostly for grinding; leveling up or trying to catch something, or doing post-game activities. When it comes to story, I want the hours to make sense.

Another important tangent: in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, there are missions which make you lose all the weapons you have on you, and since rocket launchers are hard to come by before a certain point in the game, what I did for the first such mission that strips you of your inventory was make a second save file for continuing the plot, and I used the first one to run around in the limited area I could, but with all the weapons I'd accrued by that point. The second mission in the game to disarm the player is one I didn't create a new save for, instead opting to find fun fabulous and felonious ways to spend all my ammo before starting the mission. I knew the "can't take it with you" gate was up next, and I wanted to drink all my water and sunscreen before the TSA just fuckin' tosses it. Use rather than waste; experience rather than miss out. Explore all avenues open to me before continuing on with the plot, since I won't get to go back or have certain aspects (all my collected weapons, in this case) again. Sure, once I've beaten the game I'll have access to anything and everything in the open world, but come on! I had a dozen rockets to launch now and I'm not gonna pass it up. And...what if I couldn't get something back?

So, I realized a "cave of origins" of sorts, about my distaste for not getting to experience something I could have and having it taken away forever. A splinter that grew into a tree of indecisiveness in my character. The freak-out I was having that morning traces back to Pokémon Emerald Version, where I missed out on having my final rival battle with May.

Screenshot from Pokémon Emerald Version outside of Lilycove City's Department Store, where the male player character speaks to May, the rival, in front of the door. Her dialogue bubble reads "I've caught a decent group of Pokémon, and my Pokédex is coming along, so..."

Yes, apparently the final battle with your rival throughout the entire game is OPTIONAL. I was a pre-teen Tiger Beat dream, so I didn't know a lot about the world, or this particular information. I knew from playing Sapphire Version that this was coming, but because you aren't forced to go to the Department Store first thing, I explored the rest of the city first, and discovered that I could continue eastward. So I said "hey let's see how far this game will let me go before I have to fight her."

This was my crucial mistake, but I didn't see it as one. I eventually saw it as, "Oh shit, I could catch the legendary Rayquaza first, and come back and totally kick her but with overkill." Annnnnnnnnd I don't remember if I took this all the way to the Elite Four or not, but by the time I was ready to get back to her, standing in front of Lilycove's coveted Department Store, she was gone.

She was at home, in her father's lab. Talking about becoming a field researcher or something, forever. I never got to see her Blaziken fully evolved. I never got to battle her. I never got that closure.

WHY IS IT OPTIONAL!????????? Okay, mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyybe it's true that Wally is your "real rival" in that he's the guy you are forced to battle before finishing Victory Road. But that storytelling decision didn't resonate with me: May (or Brendan, if you're playing as the female protagonist) is the first friend you make in the Hoenn region, lives in your hometown, and who has the starter Pokémon with the type-advantage over yours...everything about them screams "just like your past rivals Blue and Silver, just with a friendlier rapport."

A Pokémon Trading Card Game artwork for Wally's Training, depicting green-haired Wally giving a Poké Block treat to his Ralts.

Wally, by contrast, is met later than May/Brendan, and doesn't have any advantage over you: he's even written as being possibly-asthmatic and usually stays at home. You take him under your wing to help him catch his first Pokémon, Ralts, which has no opposite relation to your chosen starter (well, okay Magical Leaf is good against Swampert and Psychic moves are good against Blaziken, but you know what I mean.) Wally is even less bold and aggressive than May/Brendan, so he never reads as someone you're constantly trying to prove yourself against. Yes, technically he's "one of two rival characters," but I didn't see him that way. I thought of him as "just a friend." Sorry if that hurt his feelings.

Okay, mind-blower, he's your rival because you're his rival, bada-boom. Whatever. Doesn't change the fact that I never battled May one final, grand time, or got to hear this cool music again. So I was effectively tricked/punished for continuing the game before exploring all avenues and side-aspects beforehand, because they'd disappear forever. Ironically, I thought I was exploring all avenues before taking on the rival battle, assuming that was part of the plot. And now I can't progress through Pokémon games without exploring every aspect that isn't plot before continuing, even going so far in games like Black 2, to take a route southward to see what's down there, see what plot-guiding road block is down below Undella Town, (which is literally something neat to find and won't be there when the plot is ready for you to be there, totally justifying my behavior,) and then I'll turn the game off without saving so I can start back at the fork. And I'm content to twiddle my thumbs plot-wise in GTA while I screw around with what's available. It doesn't help the former that I consider seeing new Pokémon outside of the game to be spoilers and then something happens like Greninja, the fully-evolved form of my chosen starter in X, happening to be a default Super Smash Bros. character. For fucks sake. Why do I do this to myself?

Also, I bought Ruby Version back in the day and played through that...to a point. I halted forever in Team Magma's headquarters, because at the time, unless I recorded it on a tape player or something, there was no way I could listen to the Team Aqua/Magma HQ theme ever again; having played Sapphire I knew that once you beat them, the base is closed off. But this means I've never beaten Ruby. And of course, today, you can listen to that music as much as you want to, taken straight from the source:
I mean how dope is that track? You can understand me, right?

So now that I've discovered/identified/unearthed this revelatory pinpoint, what do I do? How will this help me finish playing Black 2, X, Alpha Sapphire, or Sun? I don't know. But I'm so busy I don't have time to try it out yet. It's summer, after all.


Also this month, I went to Sioux Falls, South Dakota and while I was there I stumbled upon Hoy Trial Lawyers, which is a pretty big deal if you have seen this video.

A selfie of the author standing in sunglasses and a coat in front of Hoy Trial Lawyers' office building. The words on the building make the "I" in "TRIAL" a symbol of the scales of justice.

Let's move on, shall we?

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I'm Into This! — May 2017



Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
The characters Mantis and Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 sit together on a short gold staircase on Ego's planet. Mantis has a hand on Drax's shoulder to feel his feelings with her empathy powers. It's a soberingly sad moment in the film. Poignant. There is not an Entertainment Weekly watermark in the lower left of the photo, because that would make it look like Entertainment Weekly is a sponsor of this magazine. It is in fact a rival magazine, and I am beating them. They are so jealous, they have to own photos of movies before I am able to, simply because they are closer to movie city, the tinsel town, Hollywood, California.
Need I say more here than I did about the Thor: Ragnarok trailer? This is the best movie of the year so far -- it's all of it: funny, sad, action-packed, thematically rich, gorgeously acted, brilliantly executed, meticulously beautiful, incredibly choreographed, the VFX, writing, and I bet even the catering was firing on all cylinders. You've seen it, right? You gotta. I've seen it six times in theaters – which breaks my previous record of 5 times, which tied the original Guardians of the Galaxy with Mad Max: Fury Road, and Chris Pratt's other 2014 vehicle/best-movie-of-all-time, The LEGO Movie. – I guess I saw Fury Road six times if you count the Black & Chrome version. But anyway, every time I've seen Guardaxy 2 I've laughed hardest at something different, I've been emotionally choked up hardest at something different. It's too good for us. I feel guilty like we don't deserve something so wonderful. James Gunn has made a masterpiece. Continuing on...

Winking
This is wild. I don't appear to have any pictures of me winking. And yet, it's a practice I've picked up recently. I've noticed it, anyway. I wink a lot; at friends, mostly, not so much in pictures apparently. Either after a joke, or as a thumbs-up without upping a thumb. I've kinda worked out the different levels of intensity. I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert at the craft, but I've added it to my nonverbal vocabulary, much like I've added "Dope" to my verbal vocabulary over the last buncha years.

Photoshop side-projects
A screenshot of Adobe Photoshop's Hue and Saturation tool next to a portion of a Batman poster for the 2017 Justice League film, where the normally all-grey and black Batman's suit has been colored with blue cowl and gloves, and yellow bat symbol on the chest as well as yellow utility belt.
I can't help but be creative. I see something in my head, or I come up with some idea, and I want to realize it. And if it's not music, I can do more than whistle into a Voice Memo. I took a "Photoshop" class that was newly offered when I was in 8th or 9th grade, (though I ought to know this exactly...do permanent records include what classes you had in whatever year? Or just the times you cherry bombed such and such's car like they threaten cartoon characters with on TV?) and it ignited a whole new aspect of my creative output by giving me tools to a new outlet. I was taught on Gimp 2.0, and remained a faithful follower.
Thankfully learning it made adjusting to "Capital P and Legal Letters" ©Adobe Photoshop™® a breeze, and one Christmas, I got a Bamboo Tablet, and could do just that. (I guess I must've used my PC less and less – keeping the bedside table in front of its desk like a stone over a catacomb door – because I don't recall a dry spell of both not using it and yet having photoshop ideas...anyway,) I got Photoshop Elements in that Bamboo Tablet Bundle™™™ and "elements," while sounding like a limited, almost demo-y version, meant "everything you need, dawg." So while I can't follow online tutorials to a T (or even an A,) I can make anything I want, anytime.
My most essential-to-the-craft takeaway from James, the wood shop teacher who also taught Photoshop and other computer program-based classes, imparted some wisdom so simply put that it stuck with me: "Photoshop is just changing the color of pixels." So from there I was like Neo at the end of The Matrix; I can see the foundational mechanics and then do anything I can think. Like nonlinear video editing, it's as simple as knowing what you want to show, and finding whatever route is best to make something look like it. Many ways to skin a cat, and all that.

Anyway, as evidenced by my video side-projects, I like side-projects. (The main project is, has been, and probably always will be THE DATELESSWONDERS MOVIE.) They're fun, when I come up with a small-ish video or a short skit and think "I could pop that out in a day/week." I can't help it. Especially with something like Detective, P.I. or a parody of this commercial, both of which involve [s]having facial hair the level of which I've only reached by making the Reverse-Valentine's Day video. I had to do it. I didn't even have an urge to parody that commercial until I thought "How can I turn my shaving into a video?" and it shawarma'd to mind first thing. Anyway, the same is true for photoshop ideas. If it's quick, or if I'm at work doing lots of lengthy exports or uploads, I'll pass the time making something. For example, the above image of Batman is a project I've done in bits and pieces at work (where we have Photoshop: Entire Periodic Table, Dawg™) and eventually I'll finish it. No big rush. Other times, it comes to me when I'm browsing Google's results for "[year] films" and I discover two movies with the word "Hitch" in them, and a third with "Pitch." That's when I set aside some time to crank out a gem like this:
A Photoshopped screenshot of a Google Results Page for 2005 Films where most of the titles have been replaced with or changed to include the word Hitch. In the text but also on the poster thumbnail if the title is visible. It starts with two unchanged titles, reading "Hitch, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy," then "Fever Hitch" instead of Fever Pitch, then "Bruce Willis in Hitchage, Fun with Hitch and Jane, The Hitch (instead of The Cave), and finally Hitche & Flow" instead of Hustle & Flow, before returning to regular movies like The Great Raid.
Click to view full-size.
And sometimes I need to create something in Photoshop for a video, like the Detective P.I. trailer's production company logos. Even though you will probably only see them on screen for a second each, I'm meticulous about detail to a Wes Anderson, or perhaps Bladerunner degree, when it comes to small things like this, as it's fun to make. So I started with DatelessWonders, but I wanted a 1970's look for the typical DW logo. Guess who has a good 1970's logo with a W already in it? Warner Bros.
The logo used by Warner Bros from 1972 to 1984, a big round black not-quite-a circle with two long white diagonal ovals and a third small oval that make a stylized "W". Text below reads "A Warner Communications Company Presents" against a red backdrop
How do I turn this into a "DW" shape? Well, I figured it out. I really like this logo:
Warner Bros. 1970's logo photoshopped to look like a DW for DatelessWonders, with the white ovals used for the W adopted to make a D by making one long one and one short one vertical. They both fit in the black circle-ish shape. The text below it reads "A Socially-Awkward Communications Company"
It turned out pretty well. But then I had to make two wholly original logos for wholly made-up companies. There are usually two or three of these in a trailer, sometimes more. I envisioned three for this one, and pulled some names out of my head and then visualized what their logo would look like (in the 1970's, anyway.) I came up with Principality Film and Territory Pictures.
A dark grey shield with a dark red perimeter and a light grey center, on which is a mahogany red scepter drawing with a gold-ball handle in the lower middle, and a gold leaf-shaped prong tip. On each side is an opened-up angel wing. Above the crest is a yellow crown with a black drop shadow behind it topward. Beneath the crest is yellow round font reading "Principality Film" in all lowercase with the same top drop shadow as the crown. All on a red background.
A goldish wooden painting frame with a transparent canvas against a red background. Beneath it are the creamy off-white words "Territory Pictures" in a thick roundish font.
For Territory Pictures I took photos of painting frames from Google Images, and tried out four in total. I don't know which one I'll settle on yet, because they're all good. The frame is transparent because I am going to place video of an ostrich inside the frame in the edit. I don't know why or what significance this has to the name Territory Pictures, (except maybe the ostrich is defending its territory) but it's a made-up company and my mind is so creative that once I get in the zone of "I'm making up a production company, you know how their logos and symbols and imagery don't often have any literal or clear relation to their title and that's kinda cool, so let's invent something where people might actually ask what the story behind it is because THAT'S GOOD WORLD-BUILDING!!!" I can come up with some realistic fakery.

For Principality Film, I knew it would have a shield, sort of like the non-1972-to-1984 Warner Bros. logos. I did research on the word "principality" to find out its meaning and see if there was anything specific I should put in/on the shield. Turns out, aside from relation to the word "prince," it's got to do with an order of angels in Christian "ninefold celestial hierarchy." So I went to Google Images for .png files of shields, crowns, angel wings and scepters, which these angels are depicted with or use or something. I read the Wikipedia page but I didn't memorize it, alright? Anyway, I had a good time working out color scheme and positioning, and font of course. Then I went about seeing if any of the filters would texturize the crest in a way I liked. I tried all of them because it was preview-able, and then I found out that Plastic Wrap does wonders on simple shapes like shields. So this Photoshop project for a video side-project begat its own side-project: I present to you, the more modern-day version of the Principality Film logo:
The Principality Film crest logo but with a plastic-wrap effect, with an embossed, raised, almost 3D look with a soft light sheen on the left side. The crown above it has its drop shadow to the bottom right, and this is true of the font, too, which is a more medieval, yet still contemporary font, readng "Principality Film" with capitalized first letters. The background is a blue sky with big clouds, with the sun cresting the top just to the left of the crown in the image. It looks a bit like the Warner Bros. background but with this cloud takes up 60% of the bottom of the frame, up through the middle and almost to the top.
2000-present
This makes it look like they definitely leaned in a "Christian films" direction at the turn of the century, and I imagined it's a likelihood especially following 9/11 making lots of people go nuts, and the leftwing vilification of George W. Bush as The Devil himself in particular. Remember when that was a thing? I'm pretty sure it was, even if I was too "a kid" to remember seeing it directly first-hand.

Now, I don't know if/when I'll ever use these fake production companies for other future fake trailers. I like to invent the companies tailored to the movie, rather than force a shared-fake-universe. But if another fake trailer idea I have fits the glove of Principality Film, say if it's a parody of ""Christian"" movies, I'd use them, and their modern logo. I love shared-fake-universes, like Tarantino's or even Kevin Smith's, but I'll let them unfurl naturally. And what Territory Pictures' modern logo would look like? It would probably involve a lengthy sequence with a monochrome-grey CGI ostrich running toward you, then to the side and the dust it kicks up materializes into the font. But see, now there's something I cannot make. Or maybe it was absorbed by some larger studio, who knows.

Here's the Batman photoshop I did for Disqus user and Birth.Movies.Death. reader Mr. Q. I guess this is more of a June subject because I finished it on June 15th, but I started it way back on March 23rd, so what is time?
A side-by-side picture of two versions of the Batman character poster for Justice League, on the left is the original image where Batman is in all black with a large grey bat symbol on his chest. On the right is my photoshopped version, where his cowl, cape, gauntlets, gloves, and knee-length boots are colored a darkish but distinctive "classic blue" and his utility belt and giant chest emblem are yellow.
Once more, click to view full-size.
It's nice, innit? It's riding a fine line between "reasonable" and "absolute fan-wank like when someone gets cast as The Joker or literally anyone without a mask and tens of thousands of fans photoshop them into the role and then internet clickbait uses these images in their fucking stupid pointless and downright nothing casting announcement ""articles.""" but it started from a good place. I was struck by how the grey, almost silver bat symbol stuck out on the poster, so I decided to change it to gold/yellow for fun. Then Mr. Q asked how long it would take to make the rest of the outfit a more classic grey and blue. So I began in bits and pieces touching up the utility belt, then moving on to the gloves and cowl. But the sunlight between the legs and under the cape looked like an insurmountable challenge: I was using the Colorize function of the Hue & Saturation tool, so how would I make a similar effect on the boots and cape without making certain parts of the sunlight blue? Turns out, Auto Tint/Contrast/Color, especially Tint, did most of the work for me. Then I touched around and did some other things I don't remember specifically enough. I used some layers and the eraser tool to keep the fidelity of the sun's orange beam while presenting a decidedly blue cape and boots. I'm pleased with how it turned out. Took me three months, Mr. Q. ...But, if we count only time spent actively working on it...Eh, a couple hours? I was really holding off because I was scared to approach the sunlit parts, but I sucked it up and remembered I'm only changing the color of pixels, and that there's more than one way to get pixels to look how you want 'em to. I feel like I can do anything now.

I also did this last year, and I'm working on another for 2017: The Van's™®© Warped Tour setlist but with fake names, side-by-side with the setlist with the absolutely real and not-made-up-at-all names. Can you tell fact from fiction? I kept Reel Big Fish in my fake version because we all know they're a real band. I can't go giving it away that easily.
Poster for Lineup Announcement at Vans Warped Tour 2016, listing the following bands: BORING FOR A GIRL, JAUNT TO JUPITER, CHICKENS IN EGGS, SMALL REWARDS, RUN FOR THE HILLS, REEL BIG FISH, FIELDFELD, DESKSTOP, THE HOT NOT, CHAPEL THRILL, STOLEN CAR, 4FEIT, WHEN?!, ALWAYS CRUSH, DIAPER, TURN SIGNAL, HERMES THE MOVIE, RECORD SETS, UNYOUSUAL ME, TRUNK JUNKET, STOP FOR NAUGHT, PRAY ON, KNORK, DUCK OUTTA LUCK, SHOES RUINED, IGOR, YEEM, ATTORNEY, THE LINGO, NOMATOPASTE, A DRY YOUTH, HUMUNGUS FUNGUS, TELL IT TO ME NOW, ZOOPALOOP!, I AM THE OTHER YOU WHO I AM, LAYOUTER, CRAYS, IDOLESCENT, WARNED YOU ABOUT ME MUCH, HYSTYFY, JUMBOTRON 3, DIARY OF HOMEWORK, GLOW IN THE LIGHT, BUT LIKE SO WHAT NOW, TWIN, COLLECTIVE SENSES, VIOLENT VIOLET, VIOLET, THE PHRASE "LET'S DO IT.", TAKE MY FACE, CHOCK'S FILL, KEPT WARM, CONE LEGS, DUST TO DUSTEN, TRIAL, MAYBES FROM BEFORE, RAVAGED HEART PARK, FARRAH, TONY'S IN IT, AVALON LANCH, STICK SAID, HEADZOO, GILL HIGH, FLOTSAM, NINE FORCE, RAIL LOVE, TUMBLE ROUGH, SECRET FOSSILS, FATHER CUT HER, GROUND REEF, SLAPDASH FRAPPE, UNCOUTH SONNET, JEALOUS OF, QUICKCATCHIT, UNSURE NO, THE SEE SAW, FIGHT NOW, and JUST MOTIVATED.Poster for Lineup Announcement at Vans Warped Tour 2016, listing the following bands: FALLING IN REVERSE, FOUR YEARS STRONG, GOOD CHARLOTTE, LESS THAN JAKE, NEW FOUND GLORY, REEL BIG FISH, SET IT OFF, SUM 41, THE SUMMER SET, WE THE KINGS, YELLOWCARD, 3OH!3, ISSUES, MAYDAY PARADE, PEPPER, REAL FRIENDS, SLEEPING WITH SIRENS, STATE CHAMPS, THE MAINE, THE STORY SO FAR, TONIGHT ALIVE, EMAROSA, I SEE STARS, KNUCKLE PUCK, MASKED INTRUDER, PROF, ROAM, SECRETS, THE HEIRS, THE INTERRUPTERS, YOUNG GUNS, AGAINST THE CURRENT, ASSUMING WE SURVIVE, BALLYHOO!, CHUNK! NO, CAPTAIN CHUNK!, GHOST TOWN, SYKES, TEENAGE BOTTLEROCKET, TOO CLOSE TO TOUCH, WATERPARKS, ATREYU, BULLET FOR MY VALENTINE, CROWN THE EMPIRE, EVERY TIME I DIE, ICE NINE KILLS, MOTIONLESS IN WHITE, THE COLOR MORALE, THE WORD ALIVE, VOLUMES, WHITECHAPEL, CHELSEA GRIN, COLDRAIN, CRUEL HAND, FROM ASHES TO NEW, GIDEON, IN HEARTS WAKE, OCEANS ATE ALASKA, VANNA, VEIL OF MAYA, AVION ROE, BAD SEED RISING, BROADSIDE, CANE HILL, CAPSIZE, DASH TEN, HAIL THE SUN, LIKE PACIFIC, MORE TO MONROE, MOTHER FEATHER, OLD WOUNDS, PALAYE ROYALE, RECKLESS SERENADE, SAFE TO SAY, SAYWECANFLY, SILENT PLANET, THE NEW LOW, WAGE WAR, and WITH CONFIDENCE.
(No using Google!)

Again, click to view full-size, particularly important to get the full experience. Anyway, I tweeted these and shared them on Facebook and I'm a little let down that it didn't blow up on Twitter. This is a great bit and I put in a lot of work and made up some incredible real-sounding fake band names. Because look at all those fake-sounding real band names! Again I'm not here to tell you which is which. Just admire my verisimilitude and be slightly put-off by the Very Similar Dudes* who appear in real bands.

So...I should just have a feature in future issues to highlight my photoshop work, right? 'Cause it's a great medium and I kinda want to show you what I got. Because it's hot. This is the first segment idea to be conceived in the I'm Into This! incubator.

Dream Visual Journal
While I was in South Dakota for my sister's college graduation, my mom and I went to a local Walgreens to purchase cards. While I was in South Dakotan Walgreens, I grabbed a modestly-sized sketchbook and many packs of Pilot G-2 Retractable Gel Pens™, in almost every color, including three two-packs of different colored metallics. I did this because I had two images to create wholesale from out of my head: two visuals I saw in very recent dreams. So I started using the sketchbook to generate these dream visuals in Pilot G-2 pen, a medium in which I'm pretty good at drawing. I, like many I'm sure, draw differently depending on the tool I'm using, and I'll even have various levels of quality handwriting depending on the tool, or even within a range of one tool, like how there are many, many different kinds of pens.

Some pens will encourage one style of drawing, by making the kind you can only get with Good-Ass® pens like my preferred Pilot G-2s** nigh impossible. So I needed the G-2 quality to draw quality on this quality paper in this quality sketchbook. More of a "draw one line at a time" book, really. But anyway, here are the images I've seen in recent dreams and remembered vividly enough to put on paper:
A line-drawing in different pen colors, a man with silvery spiked hair and no facial features other than a nose, with pink-ink skin. His right are on his waist, his left bent, leaning on some unseen table or something. His suit is the draw of this drawing; he wears a green luxurious bathrobe-like coat with a collar taller than his head by a whole foot, because the top of this green (and a little gold) veggie jacket is like the leaves of lettuce.A boy on the left, a girl on the right, the boy on a scooter and the girl on a bicycle, both facing away towards the horizon of some deserted scrubland. Their vehicles are connected by strings to a kite of rainbow colors, or possible a parachute, which is giving them wind. The boy's right hand holds onto the girl's left arm for balance. He wears a striped blue and white shirt, and she wears a blue dress. There are clouds on the big sky in the distance, and a storm cloud and rain in a small portion of the horizon. The sun is in the sky as well.

On the left, one of the original two images that inspired the purchase: a fancy man wearing a vegetable suit. On the right, kids using a kite or parachute as a sail for their scooter and bike. I think the background is mostly made-up for the image -- I don't really remember. But these are nice. I have since lost the notebook I know not where, so these are the only pictures I have to show.

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We also finally wrapped filming on the Reverse-Valentine's Day Swiss Army Man video. It took a literal all-nighter, and I left at 8:50am to go not home, not my shower or my bed, but my therapy appointment. From there I went to a shower where I free-styled some incredible lyrics in the delirium, and then hopped in the car to finally sleep the entire drive to South Dakota for the aforementioned sister's graduation. Here are some photos from the last day/night/day of shooting:

A triptych of set photos, from left to right: David taking a selfie of his concerned face while holding up a huge clump of paper towels, white around the rim but with a brown yolk-like center, from mopping up Pepsi he spilled for the video; a picture of a Valentine's box of Nerds candy with a drawn-on superhero mask, a Kit-Kat wrapper fashioned into a cape, and a heroic S shape in the white heart space used for writing To and From, suspended from a ceiling pipe by a string; a picture of the bride and groom figures, the bride made out of a water bottle with a receipt dress and a tiny red Dairy Queen spoon and electric toothbrush head bouquet, and golden candy-wrapper hair with a drawn on eyes and lips on tape encircling the cap. The groom has a drinking glass body with a paper coffee cup upper-torso and head, with a big mustache drawn on it from the hotel it came from, so when you drink from it it looks like you have a mustache sort of, and a Lego pick-a-brick wall lid for a hat, with a suit made of the plastic wrap from around the coffee cup.

a selfie photo of David with a fish-eye lens, with Forrest on the futon couch behind him looking up from his own iPhone. They are in Forrest's basement. David wears a white undershirt and Forrest has a puffy blue winter coat on.The make-shift dog, whose body is an upside-down pitcher, with cardboard rectangles from a tissue box as leg decals, a head made out of a Fish Fillet box from McDonald's, attached with tape to an empty tomato paste tin can, with ears also made and folded out of tissue box cardboard.


And now for some quote:

You know how canned Sunny-D tastes different than old-school jugged Sunny-D? If you freeze a can of Sunny-D and thaw it, it tastes just like the jug kind.

— David "The Pants" Hoh 


*Very Similar Dudes would be a great band name, by the way. Feel free to take it if your bandmates all kinda look the same, or can dress the same as a gimmick. Those are my only conditions.
**Yo am I of a notoriety where I can get some free pens?


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