Saturday, September 24, 2022

HOH Magazine: Quarantine Day 900 Edition

The cover of this HOH Magazine edition is a selfie of David Hoh on the 900th day of his personal track of quarantine/pandemic/2020 in a gilded frame. What are we doing, people???? Big font reads “(900) Days of BUMMER” on the bottom of the image, above the frame border. Smaller text in the upper-right corner reads “A check-in issue about my current issues”

We're halfway there, folks! September 2nd, 2022, was the 900th day since I locked down for 6-8 weeks (42-56 days) and began counting the squares on the calendar (900 days.)

I've been on a sort of HOH Magazine haitus. I began, stalled, re-began, stalled, and re-began an issue of HOH Magazine for March of 2021, listing the names of the various humans whose lives were directly, literally threatened by a literal angry mob, and still decided to vote to not convict the man responsible for telling the angry mob where to go to find these very same people and inflict treasonous violence against them. That's weird!

Saturday, March 26, 2022

HOH Magazine: New Year 2022 Issue

Cover of HOH - The David Magazine. David's face -- wearing glasses and sporting an unkempt beard and whisked mustache -- is photoshopped onto Oprah's head -- hair tied up in a ponytail -- in this O Magazine parody for the January 2017 cover; standing arms wide against the backdrop of the Grand Canyon. Big font on either side of the hips reads LIVE BIG! Under that on the left side is "(Within the confines of your continuing quarantine...)" Up top a headline reads "How the CDC finally became dumber than me - PG. 100" and beneath that, another: "THE GRAND CANYON - Once the weather warms up going outside will feel good" and on a colored square in the lower right corner is "Two years and counting! Fuck all y'all, I'll coop up until YOU fix this mess"

Same year, new me! It's been two years to the Day (St. Patrick's that is) that I started officially quarantining. That's much, much more than eight weeks guys, come on, what's up?

So it's still 2020, and still 2016 as well. I don't make the rules of arrested development, I just serve my time. A lazy, knee-jerk inclination to alter that opening quip to say "same me" was escorted quickly out of my head, because I am still pushing against the ceilings of evermore chrysalis-tine chapels within me, trying slowly but surely to grow and change. Even if the world emphatically doesn't want me to. You will get your David's worth even if you have to choke on it.